Friday, December 9, 2011

The Perfect Apology

Do we know it when we receive it? What are the components of a perfect apology? Does just "Sorry." qualify? What if you feel a person minimizes their apology by adding an excuse or an explanation? Does it mean nothing, then?

When I feel like I want or need to apologize to someone, I do feel like I am most often already hurting over having hurt someone. I want to make it better. To make it right. I want to heal the hurt and convey that message: "I'm deeply sorry that my words or actions hurt you. I want you to know that hurting you hurts me. And that I wish I could take it back."

I dunno. Maybe there is more "me" there than there should be. Maybe I make it too much about me. Maybe it's ME who finds fault with every apology. Wouldn't that just be wonderful? No. That would just be me. Not so wonderful.

There are no perfect apologies. No pure motives. There is hope in forgiveness, though. I know that. If you don't have mercy and forgiveness, you've got nothing.

13 comments:

chickenlittle said...

If you don't have mercy and forgiveness, you've got nothing.

If you don't have mercy and forgiveness, you've got less than nothing--you've got negative.

Anthony said...

To me, the perfect apology is followed by action: whatever wrong was done, make amends for it and don't do it again. the proof is in the eating, so to speak.

ndspinelli said...

Well Darcy I believe an apology should be direct and unequivocal. A follow up discussion, separate from the apology, is often warranted to help ensure the problem doesn't occur in the future.

Allie said...

Methinks that an apology is the first step to any reconciliation and as time goes by it will be clearly evident if the apology was sincere.

Darcy I'm so happy we've met, I could see you as one of my good female friends, I immediately felt a connection to you, warm hearts and kind souls always do that to me.

Kensington said...

I think a perfect apology has to include an unequivocal expression of sorrow, with no qualifications or explanations or excuses, and it has to demonstrate an understanding of the offense, with absolutely no attempt to mitigate or minimize the damage.

A minor example might be something like "I'm sorry I lied to you. It was selfish and thoughtless. You probably feel like you can't trust me now, and I understand that, and it was so wrong of me to do that to you. Please forgive me."

On an entirely unrelated note, I miss you on Twitter.

EBL said...

Some apologies are not sincere.

Anonymous said...

come on, mafia goils don't cry, puta

chickenlittle said...

Hey J, stay away!

Anonymous said...

what's that, Nurse chester? a threat to anonymous posters?
like yr boytoy Flynn the fat fag yr even too untalented for the mob , gallina

blake said...

Darcy's found her opposite in J.

windbag said...

I think a sincere apology requires three statements: I'm sorry, I was wrong, please forgive me.

I'm sorry demonstrates regret. I was wrong acknowledges culpability in the matter. Please forgive me expresses humility and recognizes that the injured party occupies a superior position to the offender.

These "I'm sorry if anyone was offended" (non)apologies are a waste of time.

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hummer limo hire sydney said...

The perfect apology for me is not by saying sorry but by making it right. Actions is always better than words. I need some effort that to show their sincerity.